Get Fitted

July 28, 2009

To all my lady friends, chances are you are wearing the wrong size bra. I spent a little time working retail in the lingerie department at Neiman Marcus when I was a young twenty-something.  The women I worked with were older than my grandma and all they did, all day long, was measure ladies boobies. Thankfully I was considered too young and inexperienced for such an important task, so I was mainly responsible for putting bras back on hangers and selling nightgowns and robes. My time there did not go wasted, my coworkers did teach me a few things, #1 Your bras should ALWAYS have the matching under garment and #2 Get yourself measured and fitted regularly, your bra size can fluctuate.

Since working there, I remembered their words of wisdom and would occasionally get myself measured. I generally stayed the same size, but after 2 kids, I noticed my old bras just weren’t doing it for me. My straps were constantly falling down and my back would kinda ache. Just to give you a visual, my back was not aching because suddenly after kids I had boobs the size of Pam Anderson, it was quite the opposite, think Celine Dion. Actually, I shouldn’t be surprised, my friends nicknamed me the “Littlest Angel” after a training bra brand when I was in my early twenties. I always liked the title, after all I was also the only one of my friends that could go bra-less under many a halter top.

So a few weeks ago my mom and I went shopping. I wasn’t planning to purchase new bras but I wasn’t sure when my next chance to go shopping without the kids would be, so I went for it. I searched for an older sales associate or “Specialist” (That’s what we call them in the lingerie world) and told her I needed to be measured. Just a tip: the older ladies are better at this. She was very nice and as I had suspected I had gone down a back AND cup size.  (Sigh) She told me she would be right back with a couple of options and then she asked me if I was here with my mom. I told her yes, not sure why she was asking.

She returned with a few choices, mostly basic and boring. She did bring one black bra with a hint of lace and told me “This one is for fun”. Ummm, okay? My mom joined me a few minutes later and I asked her when the last time she was fitted. The question stopped her in her tracks. Think a deer in headlights. The answer was “Never”.  I was shocked. There is no way to put this delicately, my mom has Knockers. She should have been getting herself measures a long time ago. I told her she might as well do it, since we were here. The Specialist measured her and again my mother was wearing the wrong size bra. Instead of the 34 C  she was a 32 DDD. That’s TRIPLE D or G.

The specialist came back with a stack of bras that could clearly kick my bras ass. The straps were huge and thick and the snaps in the back are reminiscent of artillery for a knight. Aside from the basic line she also brought quite a few lacy numbers and some really pretty bras. I looked back at the one “fun” bra she brought me and thought What the “F”.  I mentioned the differences to my mom and my mom told me “She thinks you are a kid”. When she asked me if I was with my mom, she found my mom, went up to her and told her in a whisper “Just so you know your daughter is doing fine, she is a 32 B”, my mom just responded in a whisper “Okay”.  Well that certainly explained why she didn’t bring me any see through lacy brassieres. I wonder what she would have thought if I told her I was the mom of two?

At the check out counter my mom and I were laughing at our afternoon adventure. We both wore our new bras out of the store, much like when you are a kid and you get a new pair of shoes. The sales specialist threw away my mom’s 34 C. At that moment I looked at my mom  and made some smart ass comment about her boobs. That’s when the sales specialist looked at me and said “Well honey, this is your mom and just think in a few years that is going to be you. ”

Wait….what? I have been told by many that I look young for my age ,but when someone thinks you have not gone through puberty, is that a compliment? I didn’t say anything and even kept quiet when she rang up the total bill on my mom’s account. Ahh the benefits of sales people thinking you are a teenager! Your mommy still pays.

Feeling Confident!

Feeling Confident!

Much better, mom!

Much better, mom!

A whole new take on mommy and me shopping.

A whole new take on mommy and me shopping.

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5 Responses to “Get Fitted”

  1. Casey Says:

    This has me chuckeling (is that a word? it looks funny! Love the after pics and that Ms Pat even posed with her new set of over the shoulder bolder holders!!! I need to do this- hmm, trip to the store with mom??!!!

  2. Kristin Says:

    That is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! OMG, I wish you would’ve said something, I don’t think I would have been able to hold back! I used to HATE it when I’d get confused for one of my students, and I still get the “look” from parents when they see me for the first time. I love it now that I’m in my 30’s, but this one, WOW! I don’t think I could have held back! 🙂

  3. Papa Kovo Says:

    Valerie – this has been a BIG topic on the Howard Stern Show…Robin has discovered she is a 34G while Lisa G has been revealed to be wearing a whole cup size larger than necessary for comfort purposes. Thank you for bringing awareness to this important women’s health issue.

  4. Tracy Says:

    Sigh…I need to see a specialist. I have no idea what pregnancy did to my rib cage or what the baby’s done to my boobs since. I went to Victoria’s Secret, where they told me I’m a 40C or a 38D. Um…I’m truly not that fat or endowed and neither size fit anyway. I’m going to have to upgrade. No more crappy Vickie’s for me!

  5. Anne-Marie Says:

    Val, this story is too hilarious. You gave me a good long laugh. I’ve always thought it’s better to look younger than older, but this is a whole new level. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your adventure!!


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