Tales of a Double Flip-Off

June 14, 2009

The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Me and my pals attended a wedding many years ago. Most of my girlfriends were still single at this time, so weddings had a different feel back then. Mostly we got wasted and flirted with the single guys. Ahhh the good ol’ days.

At this particular wedding I brought a date and my good friend Lola rode along with me. Lola actually offered to be the designated driver so that me and my date could get our drink on. At some point during the reception we both decided we didn’t feel like being drunk so we told Lola she could go ahead and join the party and one of us would drive home. It seemed like a perfectly nice gesture. Why take all the fun out of her night, just because we didn’t feel like drinking?

The wedding was delightful as most weddings are. Things started to wrap up and we told Lola it was time to go home. Problem was, Lola didn’t want the fun to be over. Maybe it was the particular vintage of wine, or maybe she had to play catch up with everyone else, but Lola was suddenly HAMMERED.  We slowly said our goodbyes to give Lola some extra time. Kinda like what we do with our kids… “5 more minutes and then we are leaving” We even played valet pick up service at the reception hall entrance just so Lola didn’t have to walk to the car.

I went in again to tell her it was time to go and she just wasn’t having it. She was hanging out with the staff as they were cleaning up around her. I almost gave up and was going to have the parents of the bride drive her home, but I decided to go back, sit in my car and wait.

Suddenly the door to the reception hall opened with all its might …. and there she appeared. She just stood there for a moment staring. I turned on the headlights so I could see what the problem was. That small gesture, made this her moment, much like when an actor takes the stage. Picture: Hamlet’s – soliloquy.   There she was dressed in her perfectly prim Ralph Lauren, pissed off and shit face drunk. (I’m sure the guy whose logo is a pony would not be happy with this product image) Her posture was reminiscent of a vato (Mexican gangster) or an inmate. She looked around from side to side shouting several expletives and then stared directly at me, slowly lifting the middle finger of her right hand and then the middle finger of the left. Right then and there she double flipped me off. 

 She actually stayed in her spotlight for at least a minute until my other good friend Carla (who was also wasted and getting a ride from us) escorted her to my car. Fortunately, Carla was an over the moon happy drunk and provided some much needed comic relief.

Lola carried on her disgust for me through the parking lot and eventually passed out. The silence was golden but unfortunately didn’t last long, Lola started feeling mighty poorly half way home on the freeway. It happens. The seats of my car and my date’s suit were casualties. Carla was in dream land and missed the whole thing only to awaken at our destination thinking we had stopped for Chinese food. Good times!

My reaction to all of this when it was all over was to laugh. (okay I wasn’t thrilled the next day) Lola hates the mere mention of this occasion and probably thinks we are laughing at her when we talk about it, but as cliche as it may be we are laughing with her.  Each and every one of us has done something that we are not proud of or is embarrassing. It’s part of life. Just think of what the consequences may have been had she rode home with the bride’s parents? I took one for the team. Lola is one of my closest pals and she would have to do a whole lot worse for me to suddenly stop being her friend. As far as I’m concerned she could double flip me off every night of the week and I’d laugh as hard as if it were the first time. You know what? ….Bring it Lola….BRING IT!

Artist Rendering

Artist Rendering


4 Responses to “Tales of a Double Flip-Off”

  1. Lola Says:

    Laughing now, wasn’t then, still horribly mortified at the entire situation (and the others you still laugh at). Not feelin the double flip off at the moment but if the urge should arise I’m glad to know you’ll still be my friend.


    Lola (who has since learned- red wine and her don’t mix)

  2. Katie Says:

    Still waiting for reflections of all the years of abuse I inflicted…a.k.a…. Miss. Kitty, re-inactment of spice girls, dinner parties w/soccer guys, party at Carmen’s when Romer gets lucky…basically anytime I teamed up w/ the Funk Lord, Chaos would ensue and people were usually physically harmed (usually just Kelly).

  3. Kelly Says:

    I love this story…it never gets old! I know I will soon be the victim of one of Val’s “fond memories”.

  4. Romie Says:

    This is the best story EVER! I’m so glad I wasn’t there (for vomit reasons) but so sorry I missed the double flip-off. hahahaha Love you Lola!!

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